The wheels on MY bus

Admission: I don't know the words to "Wheels on the Bus."

I know. How on earth have I survived 30 years?

Wait... 31 years. I'm 31. Dammit.

Anyway.

I don't know the words to "Wheels on the Bus," but Ava loves that tune, so I sing it with my own made-up lyrics. So far, here are a few verses I've sung to her...

• The Ava on the bus goes WAH WAH WAH, WAH WAH WAH, WAH WAH WAH. The Ava on the bus goes WAH WAH WAH, all through the niiiiight.

• The mommy on the bus goes, "Where's my wine? Where's my wine? Where's my wine?" The mommy on the bus goes, "Where's my wine?" because you're sometimes shitty. 

• The daddy on the bus goes, "I love you. I love you. I love you." The daddy on the bus goes, "I love you," because you're really cuuuute.

• The people on the bus say, "I hate bums. I hate bums. I hate bums." The people on the bus say "I hate bums," because they never shower.

• The Elsie on the bus goes pee on the floor, pee on the floor, pee on the floor. The Elsie on the bus goes pee on the floor, because she's a really big spaz.

• The Rocco on the bus sits by the heater, by the heater, by the heater. The Rocco on the bus sits by the heater; I hope he doesn't catch fiiiire.

• The Alex on the bus brews beer all day, beer all day, beer all day. The Alex on the bus brews beer all day; when can we drink it?

This basically goes on for the duration of her bath, every night. She just smiles and smiles when I sing it, and it has also calmed her escalating rage on more than one occasion.

So, until she actually learns words and I have to change it up to be somewhat appropriate for a child, this is our new "Wheels on the Bus."