The (creepy) doll that's older than me

When I was a little kid, I had this one baby doll that I was obsessed with. Most girls name their dolls things like "Molly" or "Susie," but not me. I named my favorite doll Naked Baby.

Yep. I was a creative child.

Naked Baby, obviously, never wore clothes. (Though I did paint her nails.) I took her everywhere with me.

And then, like kids do, I grew out of that phase and haven't given Naked Baby another thought... until a few weeks ago.

I was on the phone with my mom, telling her that our dog trainer suggested we get a doll to help teach the dogs to "LEAVE IT" and "DON'T MURDER THIS." I had no interest in buying a stupid doll, so I was complaining about our latest assignment when mom said, "Well, I can just mail you Naked Baby."

"You still have that thing?" I asked.

"Of course," she replied.

So, Naked Baby arrived here in Chicago...

...And promptly freaked out my husband, who asked why "that creepy-ass doll is in our living room."

Honest to god, I never realized how creepy it was, but I can acknowledge it now. But what do you expect? Naked Baby was made in 1979.

But who cares? Naked Baby had a job to do. So, I started carrying her around -- not just like a baby, but also flailing her like a toy, to entice the dogs before I gave the "leave it" command. Rocco wanted to eat her at first, but he quickly realized that Naked Baby was not his toy.

Well done, little man!

Now we just have to train Dave, who elbowed Naked Baby right off the couch the other day. She crashed onto the hardwood and I had to give Dave the disappointed "why must you harm our practice child" look.

Good thing we have two months to get it together.