Pregnancy brain is a thing

I've always heard pregnant women talk about the dreaded "pregnancy brain," but I never thought too much about it... until I've experienced it myself. Seriously, my complete idiocy is in full force right now.

Case in point: Most people end up losing things like keys or pieces of clothing. I thought I lost one of my goddamn DOGS earlier this week.

I will explain...

Each morning, I take Elsie Ro to daycare. Monday was her first day riding in the back seat while the new car seat was in the middle. To say she was displeased is an understatement. Even worse is that one side of the back seat has more room than the other -- and I have designated that spot as Rocco's, since he's 20 pounds heavier than the Little Girl.

Anyway, after Elsie refused to get into the car and made me lift her (no big deal, I'm only 8 months pregnant), she sat on the (smaller) passenger's side and looked defeated. I started the car and began backing up, but quickly realized that I couldn't maneuver out of my parking space without moving some neighborhood trash cans. So, I got out, moved those suckers, got back in and continued on my way.

On the way to daycare, I glanced in the rearview mirror.

My dog was not there.

WHAT.

"Elsie!" I yelled, like she was going to answer me. "What the shit, dog!"

I stopped the car and completely turned around -- not an easy feat, with this stomach -- and stared at the empty passenger's side. Did she jump out while I was moving the trash cans? I wondered. Where the hell is my dog???

As panic was instantly taking over, I looked behind the driver's seat.

And there she was. Just sitting calmly, much happier on the side with more room.

Obviously. A rational person would have looked there first, before freaking out. Not me! Not with pregnancy brain! Dog isn't where I left her, so the only explanation is that she Houdini'd right outta there and is roaming the neighborhood all by herself! What a terrible mother!

This is the kind of nonsensical rationale I battle every day now. Frankly, it's a triumph if I remember to put on pants in the morning. I don't know what it is about being pregnant that makes women lose all sense of normalcy, but there you have it. Yes, pregnancy is this glamorous.