I'll do anything for love, but I won't do that

The other day, I was browsing Amazon for reviews on all sorts of baby things we'll end up needing. Stroller, car seat, baby carrier (Dave has demanded one of those wraps where you bundle the baby up like a burrito), etc.

Then, I came across nasal aspirators.

(Ew.)

But, specifically, THIS nasal aspirator:

What the actual shit?? That thing has more than 1,300 reviews and nearly five stars! And, apparently, it's not the only one of its kind on the market.

Traumatizing aspirator No. 2:

Is this really a thing? You really want me to -- ugh, I can barely even type it -- suck the baby's snot through a straw with my own mouth?

No.

Absolutely not.

Call me old fashioned, but I'm sticking with this classic:

(Also, sorry for grossing you out.)